Damn My Pride
by Music Lover259
Summary: "Did you know I love you?"


My wine edges dangerously close the rim of my glass as I swirl it around Lazily. My eyes scan over the ball's attendees, searching for you, Claudia. My latest dance left me some time ago after rambling on about something or other and stopping when she saw my half-lidded eyes, storming off to find a man who will listen to her. Good luck, I scoff. Her name was Mildred, I think. Or was it Maya? I'm sure it started with an M, at least.

I chuckle fondly to myself as I think of how horrible you would think me if I ever told you that. Can you really blame me though? You're the one who disappeared, love. You distracted me from everything but you by not being here. I sigh and observe the interior of the Shell Grotto around me. The shell patterns were fascinating and the crystals and gems glittered beautifully. It was pretty, but not nearly as pretty as you, my dear.

I suddenly see your long flowing hair and catch sight of you talking to Lord Arto. I clench my teeth as he gives you a flirtatious smile. _Get away from him, Claudia,_ I beg internally as he takes a step toward you. My jaw relaxes as you turn away from the lecherous old man and shove your way through the crowd, toward me. I'd like to think that you really were looking for me. I rise from my seat to meet you as you burst forth from the crowd, my wine forgotten. I make sure to move my head a little so as to draw sound from the bells on my jester cap.

"Oh Claudia, is that you? I insist you dance with me. Most of these women are complete clod-hoppers." I try to be pleasant for you.

"Caspar! Have you seen Finn?" You seem disheveled and desperate to find your prince. I pretend the pain in my chest doesn't exist and smile.

I bend down to line my lips up with your ear and whisper, "Yes. But I'll only tell you where he is if you dance with me." I pretend that a delighted shiver runs down your spine as my lips brushes against your ear slightly.

"Caspar, don't be an idiot..." So much for that.

"It's the only way you'll find him." I urge.

"I haven't got time..." But I've already pulled you onto the dance floor by your hands and hope mine aren't sweating._ Don't push me away._

You yank us both back out and pin me against the wall. When did you get so strong, Claudia? I remember you being so small and feminine. I pray Finn hasn't done anything with you as you hiss, "Caspar! Tell me where he is right now or you get my knee where it hurts! I mean it!"

I scowl, waving the bells on my sleeve at you crossly. "You're a total bore about him. Forget him." _And think about me. _Then I remember that I'm your enemy. I'm the one you blame when things go wrong. You figured it out then, didn't you? "Because my dear mama's explained it all to me. You see, when the Pretender is chosen, then Finn is dead and after a few weeks we expose the other one as a fake too and so I get the throne." I can only hope that you don't berate yourself for not realizing sooner.

"So he _is_ a fake?"

"Of course he is." You look at me strangely. What are you thinking, love? "Don't tell me you didn't know."

"Did you know that when Finn dies, I do?" My heart nearly stops and it takes everything I have not to let it show on my face.

"My mother wouldn't do that. I wouldn't let her." When had my mother planned this? Did she not know how I felt about you?

"She'll eat you alive, Caspar. _Now where is Finn?_"

"He's with the other one. They've gone out by the lake," I concede.

You have only a second's hesitation and then run off to your prince. I leave the ball after that and go up to my quarters, not coming out for the rest of the night even when the Pretender was shot. I watched you three from my window, did you know? That was smart thinking, switching clothes.

I can barely stand to look at that lake anymore. Seeing you two out on the boat that day, it hurt.

I turn onto my back and sigh. Wondering if I had treated you differently, would you have fallen in love with me? Scenes of what our relationship could be flashed through my mind. It was torture, but I kept thinking anyway.

Our first kiss would be in boat on that very lake you and Finn were on.

I would pull out your chair at meals and you would give me that sweet smile of yours.

We would have the biggest smiles on our faces at our wedding.

Your fingers would lock with mine as I stand by your side at your coronation as queen.

Our first child would look just like you. Bright eyes, soft hair, button nose and all.

I lay my forearm across my eyes, though it's no use. I can feel the first tear making its way across my temple and hide away behind my ear as I lay awake, thinking of what could have been.

Did you know I love you, Claudia? I wanted so much for you to be my wife. You didn't feel the same way though, so I set you free. Now you're off god knows where with Finn doing who knows what.

What would you say if I told you that? Would you have eventually reciprocated? Or would you leave immediately? Would you even take me seriously?

I suppose it's too late to find out. You hate me and I'm here fantasizing about things that will never happen. You probably have feelings for Finn now, don't you, my love?

I wish I could tell you how I felt. I can't, though. A man has his pride, after all.

I sit up and chuckle darkly as more tears run down my face. I bury my face in my hands as my breath catches with the beginnings of a sob. Damn my pride. Damn it to hell.

* * *

**And that's all, folks. I know it's been a while since I've done anything, but here I am now! *crickets, nervous giggle* Well, anyway, I've always thought Caspar was an interesting character. I also have this headcanon that Caspar was truly in love with Claudia, but with the Realm the way it was, he couldn't do anything about it.**

**For those of you reading Struggles of Love, don't worry, I haven't abondoned it. I'm just stuck. It'll be up eventually.**

**I was re-reading Sapphique (and actually paying attention this time) when I found this part. I thought it seemed like Caspar cared more than he let on. There's so much I found this time around. It's insane. For example, Keiro and Attia held hands. Sure, the circumstances were less than ideal, but hey, OTPs don't worry about that kind of stuff.**

**I hope you liked it,**

**~Music**


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